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Uncle Update from LI
The Uncle has this to say:
Update from Long Island
You already know that I met Cassanda Peterson,
the mortal disguise of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark at
ICON. She was selling pictures of herself which she
would then autograph and 2 DVDs. The offerings were
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
and Elvira's Haunted Hills.
The first time I saw
Mistress of the Dark was one
fateful sunday afternoon on a local tv station that is
sadly no longer in existance. Channel 11 WPIX I
believe. Every saturday and sunday they would show
these phenomenal movies; movies I would later come to
appreciate for how unique and different they were
despite severely limited budgets. I clearly remember
watching one double feature of Flash Gordon followed
by Invaders from Mars while in sixth grade. I must
have been 12 years old and the year must have been
1995 for those of you keeping count. Remember, this
was pre-DVD. So while many of the movies I am about
to list seem unremarkable (most can be obtained right
now at Bestbuy for $5.99), they were decently rare at
the time. I remember them showing (and me watching)
Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Destroyer, Red Sonja,
all 4 death wish movies, Action Jackson, Berry Gordy's
the Last Dragon, The Wraith, The Gate, and others I
can't remember. 80's B-movies one and all, and a
goldmine for someone like me who missed out on them
the first time around.
Anyway, Mistress of the Dark
is one of those
movies that deserves a huge cult following but does
not have one. If I had to wager a guess, the studio
that originally released it most-likely tried to sell
it as a horror movie, and it blew up in their faces.
Then again, perhaps I am overestimating the demand of
individuals to pay money to see Elvira's breasts.
Make no mistake; Mistress is all comedy. Go ahead and
name drop Army of Darkness and Reanimator. You won't
impress me. Talk about the outdoor cook off scene in
Mistress and you have my full attention.
I decided to NOT get Mistress because I know I am
going to pick up Anchor Bay's fright fest six pack.
Designed to look like a six pack of beer, this $23 box
set contains SIX DVD films (Mistress, Sleepaway Camp,
one of the killer tomatoes movies, one movie with Jeff
Goldblum and Ed Begley Jr. on the cover and 2 others I
can't remember). I decided to spring for Elvira's most
recent movie, 2002's direct to DVD feature
Elvira's Haunted Hills.
I really should have thought twice
when the 2 main stars of the film are Elvira and
Richard O'Brien. You know, the guy who was the butler
in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He was also one of
Timothy Dalton's men in Flash Gordon.
How is the movie? I have only watched it half
way through. Sample joke: Man (to Elvira) "The
villagers say this castle is haunted." Elvira: "Who
listens to the village people anymore?" Another issue
that warrants an entire article on itself; Elvira's
breasts. I'm not going to take this article that far,
but this is a topic that bears repeating. Elvira's
breast size wildly fluctuates throughout the picture,
sometimes within the very same scene. I am no
filmmaker, but aren't there continuity people whose
entire responsibility is to watch for things like
this? Many people may be happy just to see Elvira's
breasts, but these continuity errors just take me out
of the movie and get me wondering things like "how on
earth does her breast size keep changing? Did she use
different techniques and camera tricks almost like a
magician?" Then there was the Elvira burlesque song
with sexual references that even third graders would
groan at. Elvira, we get the point. You like to have
sex. I immediately identified with Richard O'Brien's
character who was covering his ears during the scene.
In all fairness, I haven't completed the movie.
Some of the jokes made me laugh despite myself. But I
hold Elvira to much higher standards. Sometimes, it
is wise to stick with a sure thing. I would like to
end this rumination with a quote from Elvira's Monster
Rap; "Monster rap, everybody clap, everybody move, and
everybody snap."
Posted by charlie on April 4th 2006
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